revenge of the fantasized
Sexual socio-politics is certainly at a disruptive distance from the imaginings and slick fantasies of Hugh Hefner. This passage of "revelation and reckoning" is on our thanksgiving list, like cranberries-bitter sweet and essential.
As tough as it is for women to unearth moments of victimhood, it contributes to the good for everyone. Healing, we hope.
Men are telling other men to inventory their own actions. We are stunned by the list of those who have fallen. For the present this is a type of national catharsis, and it is a time to be careful.
Thought and deliberation are necessary. I think most of the fallen have personality disorders-they are creeps, "perverts" and abusive. Not all of the behavior is similar, though all of it may have been unwanted. Some is disturbed, some is poor judgment and the difference is important.
The assaults, physical or emotional are connected to history and we have allowed it. I recall how a woman colleague at a radio station was subjected to salacious and lascivious comments by another colleague. It happened almost daily. I was embarrassed by it, but I did not write it up or report it. The humor at that time, our company attitude and even public standards reflected an uneven field. Social standards were complicit in abusing and objectifying women, systemically.
Careful accounting is important. Rebecca Traister, an author who is also a writer-at-large for New York magazine raises a curious dilemma. She asks how culpable were feminist leaders and other women who "condoned" Bill Clinton's sexual escapades because he supported their agenda?
We need to recall little boys growing up amidst social cues and norms. The Hefner influence objectified women, sexualized their appearance and body, made a behavioral game of sexuality. That also shaped culture and behavior.
Harvey Weinstein appears to be a lout and a debased egotistical slob, and while it is not a justification he is right in saying the "culture was different." The change happening now is evolution.
But this reckoning raises questions. How then does someone flirt or "come on," seek and pursue a potential romance or love interest? What is an appropriate way to begin? What are acceptable opening lines?
Should we no longer complement friends or colleagues on a haircut, style or anything of their appearance?
How far back do we go to seek an apology, explanation, or justice? Could the zeal or emotion of this social change impact its legitimacy and legacy?
How do we question the authenticity of an accusation without seeming to further victimize? Are the accused entitled an explanation? Could a comment or action simply have been ill-conceived or a case of misperception? Will we rush to judgment?
When does the focus turn to the sitting president, quick to criticize others, but also accused of sexual assault?
You see how careful we must be.
This appears to be a most profound cultural change, an inflection point on social history. Anger alone should not be the architect of what is to follow.
autumn settings on the central coast
vineyards adopting fall color
a house concert
Katherine's sand box. Art by Neal.
a grand entrance
Cayucos night light
Piper Riley Evans-a Scot's salute
Joie and Karen in thought
A birthday petite four
These old boys have seen many changes on their watch.
More are on the horizon.
Welcome to the season. Thanks for your readership.
See you down the trail.
